Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Dear Longing -to-be-Loved,

All my life I sought one to love and be loved by. As a little girl I imagined a knight on a dashing steed rescuing me from danger, and in gratitude I envisioned myself giving him a shy smile and a joyful heart to wed.

Later, I created a western hero who would always arrive in the nick of time with his six-shooters blazing. He would swing me up behind him and put the robbers to flight, then we would ride off into the sunset.

When I moved into my teen years I learned about crushes, but somebody neglected to tell me that they hurt.

As I became a young woman, my aunt sent me a card with the verse, "guard your heart carefully" on it. That opened up a whole new idea to me--the idea of heart purity, not just bodily purity.

I am a woman now, and I have finally found the love I sought as a girl. My husband holds a high ranking position of power and he is loved and honored by many. He isn't any of the romantic things that I dreamed of as a girl, but I wouldn't want him to be anything other than what he is. He rises with me and prays and reads God's Word with me early in the mornings, and together we go out for a stroll before the day begins. He is truly the love of my life.

Dear Longing-to-be-Loved, do not waste time dreaming of a husband, for, as I found, you have one now.

"For thy Maker is thine husband;
the Lord of hosts is his name;
and thy Redeemer the Holy One of Israel;
The God of the whole earth shall he be called."
Isaiah 54:5

He has loved us with an everlasting love, He has called us by His name, we are His.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Some of my favorite things...

Spending time with my brothers. Then...

and now.

Baby pictures...

Being in God's beautiful creation...

My parents...

Being Daddy's Girl...


Brave men...

Pretty things...

The ocean...

And the promise of dawn.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Raj: Brigand Chief

My interlibrary loan finally arrived! I had ordered Raj: Brigand Chief by Amy Carmichael some months ago and was thrilled when I was able to pick it up today.
It is the story of Amy's Robin Hood--a robber chief who became a Christian and shared the greatest news ever told with the people that he "held up." But the law did not care that he had changed, his crimes must be punished, and so he died a noble death; at Amy's request, "Without a weapon in his hands."
It is old--printed in 1927--and it has a dim, faded, light green cover. The binding has long since worn away and in its place is black replacement tape. The corners, too, have been reinforced with the tape. It savors of musty librarys, forgotten heros and noble deeds.
On the inside fly leaf are written these words:
D.C. Waller
Tinnevelly Dist. (?)
The book holds many mysteries that I will never know... Perhaps Amy Carmichael herself held this book and read its pages...just perhaps...just perhaps...

Monday, March 9, 2009

Watching Eyes

We were both brushing our horses, I, after a hard lesson, the young girl, in preparation for her's. Looking up, we smiled at each other.
"You're really good," the young girl told me with big eyes and awe in her voice.
I was shocked. Really, I didn't know what to say. Being the youngest, I have naturally always looked up to people. I have followed the leader so often that I'm not even sure that I could lead--I definitely know I can not hold my own in a logic argument, my brothers showed me that.
It is my nature to sit in the shadows and watch others, so following comes very easily to me. But this girl just told me that I was good, if I had heard her rightly... Why on earth did she do that?
Then it dawned on me, and I recalled the time when I, too, had watched a girl ride out a bucking horse. Wasn't I in awe of her? Didn't I dream of being able to sit the ride out instead of being deposited (most ungracefully, I might add) into the arena sand? But I never thought I would be able to--that girl that I watched was so talented with animals, so graceful, so understanding... No, I'd never be like her, no way.
I realized suddenly that the young girl who had witnessed my lesson was in that same position...the only change being that now I was the one being looked up to.
It was breathtaking, frankly.
I took a deep breath and looked up,
"I wasn't always...It took a long time."

I never thought it would happen to me, but it did. Even if you don't think so, someone is watching you; someone is admiring you; you are someone's role model.
It isn't a position to be taken lightly, and you must watch every step you take because someone else is following in your footprints. It's not easy, but it is extremely rewarding. Treasure this chance to change a child for the better, and lead them up and in.

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Such Devotion

I have been reading Julia Dent Grant's memoirs and have been quite surprised and touched by what I have learned. According to all sources that I had heretofore read, General Grant was an alcoholic and a very bad man... I find it interesting that Mrs. Grant, upon her husband's nomination for presidency, was told,
"The fact is, that you will be surprised to learn what a bad man you have for a husband." And she was surprised, but she grew used to it.
The devotion between the General and Mrs. Grant places their love in the great loves of the world. The last paragraph in her book attests to this.

" For nearly thirty-seven years, I, his wife, rested and was warmed in the sunlight of his loyal love and great fame, and now, even though his beautiful life has gone out, it is as when some far-off planet disappears from the heavens; the light of his glorious fame still reaches out to me, falls upon me, and warms me."

Such devotion...such love...

Please, do read this book. It is titled, "The Personal Memoirs of Julia Dent Grant" by the same.

It reminds me of the story Marmee would tell from time to time about an elderly woman whom she met on a plane flight many years ago. The woman had married a man many, many years her Senior, yet she had chosen not to remarry when he died, leaving her a young widow. "Why?" Marmee asked. "Because," the woman replied, "he was so wonderful; I never met another who was so wonderful."